Consequences

      So those of you who've noticed my facebook tonight are probably aware of the fact that we've been working on a little issue known as "consequences" around here.  Let's just say that, as of late, a particular little monkey's intellect and charm have led him to believe that if he is told to do something and he opts not to do it (for whatever reason) then there really aren't a lot of repercussions other than eventually he'll have to get around to doing it...and in the meantime, he gets to play this fun little game with Mom and/or Dad that leads to faces turning interesting shades and increasingly escalated levels of frustration. 

     Today has been particularly trying, so when I asked him nicely to clean up and he chose not to, I realized it was necessary to help him understand that when he cleans up his mess is not up to him.  I told him that we had to leave soon to take Daddy back to work and if he wanted to go play with some friends tonight then he needed to clean up quickly before we left.  Now this isn't a completely foreign concept to him.  Fairly often we'll have someplace to go in the evening and he knows that toys have to be cleaned up before we leave.  So, he looked at me and acknowledged what I said, tossed a couple of toys in the trunk and then started the debate about whether he was going to clean up or not.  Jesse reiterated that all the toys needed to be put away and that it needed to happen now and yet Drew continued to argue.  10 minutes passed, it was time for Jesse to had back to work and Drew had not cleaned up a thing.  So, Jesse calmly said good-bye and headed for the door. 
     
     It took all of about 2 minutes for Drew to realize Daddy was gone and he was still standing in a messy room....and then it hit the fan.  Screaming, spitting, kicking, name calling...this child was not happy and wanted the entire town to know.  Staying as calm as I could, I put him upstairs in his room and came back downstairs.  After about 20 minutes of toys being chucked at the door and violent screams, the storm started to calm.  You may be wondering why I've felt the need to share this.  It's because it leads into a hysterical (and yet educational) conversation about consequences that left me struggling to breath and maintain a straight face at the same time.  It went something like this:

"Drew, what happened? Why did you get so mad?"
"Well, I get so mad because you are not obeying me," he retorted.
"Am I supposed to obey you?  Or is it your job to obey me?"
"It's my job to obey you," he said with a grumble.  "I angry because I wanted to go play with my friends so I'm just going to go do that now," he said as he tried to push past and get down the stairs.
I informed him that he wasn't going anywhere and he sat back down to talk to me.  "Drew, do you understand what consequences are?"  Blank stare.  "Consequences are something that happens when you make a choice.  If you make a good choice, then there are good consequences.  If you make a bad choice, then there are bad consequences.  Did you make a good choice or a bad choice when you wouldn't clean up?"
"I make a bad choice," he grumbled again.
"And did something good or bad happen because of that?"
"I want to play with my friends!!!!"
"Ok, if I touch the stove and it's hot, what is going to happen?"
"You burn yourselfes...and you could go to the hospital and that's bad," he said with a serious nod.
"Yes, so that's a bad consequence.  What if you sleep all night in your bed?"
"I get smiley faces!!! Is that's a good consequences?" he asked with a gesture.
"Yes, it is!" I replied, happy to see he was catching on.
"And if Daddy doesn't get much sleep and then he's grouchy the next day, then that's a bad consequences too!" he shouted.
"Well, yes...that is an example too.  Ok, so when you didn't clean up, was that a good choice or bad choice?"
"Bad," he quickly answered.
"And was there a good consequence or a bad one?" I continued.
"A bad one."
"Ok, so now you can't go play with your friends..."
(Insert wailing and gnashing of teeth...)
"...What you can do is clean up the mess you've made up here and then clean up your toys downstairs.  If you do that, it's a good choice and you will have a good consequence like staying up a little while and watching Veggie Tales.  If you don't clean up, then that is another bad choice and the consequence is that you will go straight to bed, right now.  Which one are you going to choose?"
"Hey!  Consequences sounds like Quincey!!" he said excitedly.
"Yes but they're different.  Quincey is a little boy.  Consequences are something that happens after you've made a choice...remember?  Now, which one are you going to choose?" I insisted.
"Ummm, I'm going to make a good choice now and clean up!"
"Good choice!  And then we can watch a short movie while Mommy is baking."
"Yay!!!" he cheered.
(I headed downstairs.)
"Hey Mom??  Don't touch the oven...that'd have a bad consequence!"

     I thought my blog was done and was just about to post it.  I was pretty well convinced that he had a pretty good understanding of consequences until a few minutes ago.  I told him it was time for bed and that I wanted him to go pick out a book and get in bed that I would be there in a just a minute.  I reminded him that this was a way he could make a good choice and then there would be a consequence and happily waited to watch him scurry off to bed.  That didn't happen and now he's pitching another fit in his room. I know parenthood isn't always easy and as frustrating as this is, there will be something equally adorable that happens tomorrow.  So, I'm counting to 10, praying for wisdom and I'm headed upstairs to take another crack at it...it's got to sink in eventually, right?