There is Help...and there is Hope

For those of you who were at Boyce with me, you may remember that I had my differences with the Biblical Counseling program. My relationship with the faculty was probably what we could all call "strained" at best. We simply did not see eye to eye on so many things. However, you may also remember the phrase Dr. Scott repeated over and over again that we were to convey to anyone we counseled, "There is Help...and there is Hope." Despite my differences with that department, that is a phrase that has gotten me through the recent days.

The picture above is not a picture of a happy, healthy and thriving 3 month old baby. Many of you have commented on how tiny he is, you've heard me talk about how fussy he is and several of you have witnessed first hand the around the clock, constant feedings that have still left him discontent. Tuesday, we had a check up and discovered that despite constant feedings and doing everything possible to make him happy, Lil' Nick Nac is not growing like he should. He doesn't even register on a growth chart for weight and his height is about the 10th percentile, despite having arrived as a perfectly average sized baby. Of course, this sent me into a panic. Moms worry, it's what we do but when the doctors around you start to worry, it sends you into a whole other realm. I was not in a great place, as I struggled to feed him even more, researched all possible options and tried to keep from completely melting down. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear that voice saying, "There is Help...and there is Hope."

Yesterday, we met with a lactation consultant who reviewed our case, looked at my screaming baby, my patient 4 year old, and my exhausted self and said that she so badly wished she could help but there wasn't anything more she could do. She sent me back to our wonderful pediatrician who calmly explained why formula was our best...and at this point, only option. As she held Drew in her lap to keep him busy, she reassured me that, "This is going to be ok." Of course, ever my high needs little guy, Nick is allergic to dairy and cannot tolerate soy so we're experimenting with some Alimentum to see if he can handle it. At this point, it seems to be going well. He is putting it away like crazy and although he isn't a lot happier yet (probably due to having caught a yucky cold), he is more relaxed and napping so much better today. I'm praying that our follow up appointment on Monday will show that he is thriving and gaining weight like he should.

I know there are some of you dear friends who are very much entrenched in the breastfeeding life style. You have a hard time with babies on formula and wish that everyone would nurse their babies. There was a time that I would have considered my self very pro-breastfeeding as well. However, both my boys (due to their own issues), have taught me that I am pro-FEEDING babies. I honestly could not care less how it happens, as long as the end result is a happy, healthy and thriving baby. I am so thankful that there is always Help and there is always Hope...even when it doesn't come in the way I'd originally planned. So what if things didn't happen the way I'd imagined them? I live in a place where I have doctors, lactation consultants, and formula readily available...and for that I am so thankful. 

Many of you who've followed everything going on have asked how my Monkey is doing in all of this. He has been such a trooper! Today he got a special reward for all of his patience. Living in Montana, where everyone hunts and fishes, he's long begged for a BB Gun to start practicing with. He and Jesse went and got one today...don't worry, it only comes out when Daddy gets it out :)

So, that's where we are these days. As always, we covet your prayers for our family. Nick still has a way to go before we can stop being concerned and we're praying that as he is finally getting enough calories to keep up with his little body, he'll be a lot less fussy and finally be a happy little boy. We love you all and cannot thank you enough for the prayers and support that you give!